Playtime!

Summer is coming y'all... I can feel it! We enjoyed a fun play date at my friend Stephanie's house this morning. All of us girls that were there have a 2-year-old so Stephanie named the event "Toddlers and Tantrums." Oh so appropriate! Luckily we had a lot of the former, but not so much of the latter if you know what I am saying ;) 

Of course, what play date would be complete without food? And Stephanie was so sweet to provide a yummy lunch for the mommies. 

The sun came out enough to have fun on the trampoline. I love Collin's little face in this picture...

There is SJ's man -- Kingston. 

Bless her heart, she couldn't keep her feet under her! She loved it. I was thinking that maybe I should ask my parents to get out our childhood trampoline that I am pretty sure they still have. But it doesn't have a net or polls or even a gard for the springs! Ha! I can't even count how many times we fell of when we were kids... My how the times change. 

Here is the little love bug - Kyleigh. She was so sweet to share her toys with us. 

A little couples mowing... 

Poor Collin is taking a tumble in this pic! 

Thanks for a fun morning, girls! Let's do it again soon. 

I probably seem so wishy-washy in my posts from one day to the next. I guess that is a good depiction of how I really feel right now. There are good days and not-so-good days. Just taking each as it comes. As always, thanks for reading!  

In the still, quiet moments.

After all of yesterday's festivities quieted down and the house was still, I found myself thinking. Thinking about the "what if's"... I won't go into them, but I am sure if you have experienced the loss of a baby you can imagine what they would be. I have been wondering if this week would present some challenges because things are calming down a bit. I continue to find myself just longing to feel Jesus draw me close. And that is when the Lord brought me to my precious friend Beth's blog. Beth is not one to place herself in the limelight, but if you have experienced miscarriage I can honestly say you may not find a more compassionate person. She has been a constant encouragement to me and I know her blog continues to encourage countless "strangers" who have experienced the same despair. I know Beth would agree with me when I say that if something good can come from our losses it is this: That another person might be uplifted by the fellowship that can come from being both transparent about our own and compassionate in another's struggle. Well, several months ago she posted this song sung by Christy Nockels. Girls, get out your tissues. The words to this song are like calming balm on a fresh wound. 

I find myself singing it with Scarlett through out the day...
We miss you everyday... Oh, we miss you in every way.... We are waiting for the day when we will hold you, we will hold you. All things work together for our good... and God works His purposes just like He said He would....

Scarlett wanted to be rocked to sleep tonight (for those of you who know us well, you know that used to be our EVERY night (and nap time!) until a little while ago. Ha!). I secretly loved it. I held her close and kissed and kissed her sweet, little forehead. I have to say that I am thankful for the way that loss makes you so indescribably appreciative for what you do get to hold in your arms. 

One day at a time sweet Jesus.... 

And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Wooo Hooo!!!!!!!!!

I know that title may be a little crazy, but that is how I feel!! Mitch graduated tonight and I am so proud of him!!! The part that I love is that I very clearly remember the moments of pure stress and madness that dental school brought upon him and I also know how well he handled it. He unwaveringly and tirelessly worked to accomplish this very goal today -- graduation and all the rights and privileges that come with being a DMD. I know he would say that the Lord brought him through... I agree. Thank you Lord. The past four years have been some of our greatest and I know that this is only the beginning. So, way to go Mitch... here is to the rest of our lives as we continue this adventure together, I am with you where ever!

Getting his hood.

Making the long awaited march down the aisle after being granted his DMD! 

A joyous moment...

Our little family of 3...

So proud of Daddy and so glad he is ALL OURS now!!!

Mitch's family celebrating his accomplishment. 

Our little wild woman! She was tearing it up in the grass... I am lucky she didn't leave with grass stains all over her new dress ;) 

Our "American" themed party decor... 

Aunt RyRy and her beau, Derek along with us. 

We had so much fun partyin' down with the fam!!

 A BIG thanks to Aunt Barbie and Uncle Bill for hosting us! 

Ah... A sigh of relief. It is finished. I never thought this day would really come. Now, what to do with ourselves tomorrow? 

Walking the difficult journey, but not alone.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the comments, notes in the mail, texts, phone calls, etc. you gave/sent us after our precious loss last week. You really showed us what it means to "come alongside" those who are in the middle of walking a difficult journey. You inspired me to reach out more to people as their "difficult journeys" in life come along. It is just nice to have your struggle acknowledged, even if the "right" (which is such a relative term) words may not be there.  Your thoughtfulness truly touched Mitch and I. Although our hearts are still heavy and the road to healing still seems long ahead of us, we are certain that the Lord can make anything glorify Him. Anything. I hope that maybe there is some girl reading this blog who may have felt heartache similar to mine (a miscarriage or infertility, you name it...) who can feel reassured that God IS trustworthy and that He IS working good on your behalf. I have to keep trusting and I encourage you to trust too, no matter how hopeless the still, quiet moments in your soul may seem.

I have been recovering physically from my procedure last week. Just staying here on the range, doing our normal routine with a bit of modification. The vacuum didn't get run like I would like it to and we have sat on the couch quite a bit more than we usually do, but I have felt God's presence even more in our little house and that is all I hope for. Having now lost a baby both before and after carrying and giving birth to a healthy baby, I can honestly say the feeling of loss is identical. The despair and disappointment feels exactly the same. However, the fact that there is a sweet, very busy toddler running around at my feet 14 hours out of the day changes things a bit. I stay busy during the day and don't have time to sit and think about my sadness. That makes the quiet evenings after bedtime a little more difficult. And I often times look at Scarlett and think even more about what we lost... a baby that would have one day been 2 and wild and fun and sweet just like his/her big sister. I try not to let my mind go there. What I try to do is have a heightened sense of thankfulness for what I have been given. I emphasize the word try because let me just say I can throw one knock-out pity party for myself! (Please tell me I am not alone in this, sisters!) 

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I am SO incredibly thankful for my sweet, sweet days that are filled with this precious girl.... 

 We have been spending lots of time soaking in the warm days on the porch swing, or "big wing" as she calls it. 

Her latest and greatest interest... Play-Doh. Oh, I knew these days would come! We have already made "garbage colored" play-doh many times... you know when you mix all of it together and come out with this puke colored play-doh? Yea, we've got it by the gallon. 

She was cracking me up because I asked her what animal she had and she put it right up to the camera lens... 

 Oh the  messy simple joys in life like play-doh. 

On a completely different note... here is what our indoor thermostat is reading at tonight. Our AC conveniently went out last night. SJ and I glistened an awful lot today... if you know what I mean. I called first thing this morning, but the company we use has a full schedule through the weekend. Yikes!  Oh well, there are much worse things in life. 

Goodness, this post is turning out to be rather long...  Just wanted to slip one more thing in. Mitch graduates THIS weekend! I am so proud of him. I am really looking forward to celebrating his BIG accomplishment. I cannot believe he will be Dr. Owen in a matter of days. He had to go stag to his class' Senior Banquet last Friday night... I thought he looked so handsome. 

And he even brought home some "hardware"... way to go babe.

Thanks again for all of your kind words, thoughts and prayers. Who knew the internet could make way for such sweet friendship? 

And yet, His compassions never fail.

The last 4 days have been really hard. Mitch and I have experienced great loss. If you are reading this and are our close family and/or friends, please know that reading this is just the same as hearing it straight from our mouths. We find it hard to call and explain because the heart-ache is so fresh. 

We had been so excited to soon share with family and friends that we were expecting in November. On Wednesday of this past week we went to a greatly anticipated OB appointment. We couldn't wait to see our baby. To bring home the ultrasound pictures so Scarlett could see the 'baby growing in mommy's tummy' we have been telling her about and have prayed with her about night after night over the past weeks. We were 10.5 weeks pregnant. However the ultrasound revealed that our baby no longer had a heartbeat. Our baby is with the Lord -- our little glory baby.   

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.   
2 Corinthians 5:6-8

I had a D&C on Friday morning and am trying to recover physically.

As I explained to Mitch why I wanted to type this post, I was telling him how overwhelmed I feel by God's compassion toward us. While I will never understand this loss that we have now experienced twice, I know His ways are good and that His thoughts about us are like the grains of sand on the earth. We are grieving what could have been. I put away Scarlett's "big sister" jammies, for now. We are trusting our Faithful Father to comfort us. Will you please pray for us?

We have been so surrounded by the kindness of close friends and family. Thank you! We love you.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness. 
Lamentations 3:22-23

Jumanji.

Do you remember that movie from 1995 where the kids simply try to play a little board game and it ends up turing their entire house into a jungle filled with wild animals?  It's a little foggy seeing as I was in the 5th grade when it came out, but I am pretty sure our house got the closest to Jumanji it has gotten in a while. Mitch's schedule was nuts and it's not over just yet. Lots of late nights, weekends, etc. I have no room to complain what-so-ever, but I will just say that I really feel for single moms. His final culminating day is tomorrow. He will take his clinical boards with 2 live patients in the morning and then have his work examined. I am confident that he can do it... his patients just need to show up! I am praying that the day goes extremely smoothly for him and am thanking God for being present all the way until the end...

On a lighter note, our yard truly did look like a jungle as of this afternoon. I am sure our neighbors were  beginning to wonder if we were trying to let our grass grow so we could cut and sell hay for a little extra money. Thankfully, after a trip to Lowe's this morning and lots of labor this afternoon, it is looking tons better. Scarlett loved laying in the backyard, maybe because the grass seemed so fluffy. It wasn't a far landing for her either since it was already up to her little back! 

 This expression on her face was cracking me up. It was like, "I think this is comfortable?" 

She loves flowers. It is so sweet to see how excited she is even in finding a dandelion to pick and admire. 

She seems so grown up lately. We are in constant conversation and I catch about 90% of what she says to me. It is funny to watch people's faces when we are in a store because she talks to everyone. Often they look at me and say, "I'm sorry, what is she saying?" I got this line from my Dad after he spent some time in public with SJ: Well, she talks a lot these days but just says a little. Some smart and hilarious things she has been saying lately are: "I with you?", "I eat and mommy eat and daddy eat", "Why?", "Scarlett walk-walk Callie?", and various other things that have inconveniently left my mind...

SJ was the master waterer during all of our yard work today. She did a great job making sure all of the plants stayed hydrated... and she was soaked by sundown. 

Thanks for checking-in to see what we have been up to! 

Wordless Wednesday (or maybe not so much)

Daddy's boots

The nurse gave me a couple handouts as usual during SJ's check-up yesterday. I sat down to read through them... who knew I would end up with tears in my eyes. I will just say this -- I don't want to wish I could go back... I want to "live it up" today!
 Here is a sweet poem our pediatrician includes for parents at their child's 2-year-old physical. 

~~~ TO MY GROWN-UP-CHILD ~~~

My hands were busy through the day;
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to.
I didn't have much time for you,
I'd wash your clothes,  I'd sew and cook,
But when you'd bring your picture book
And ask me please to share your play
I'd say: "A little later in the day."
I'd tuck you in all safe at night
And hear your prayers, turn out the light, 

Then tip-toe softly to the door...
I'd wish I'd stayed a little more.
For life is short, the years rush past...

A little child grows so fast.
They are no longer at your side.
Their precious secrets to confide.
The picture books are put away.
There are no longer games to play, 

No good-night kiss, no prayers to hear... 

That all belongs to yesteryear.
My hands, once busy, now are still.
The days are long and hard to fill.
I wish I could go back and do 

The little things you asked me to.
- Anonymous