Thursday, May 3, 2012

Walking the difficult journey, but not alone.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the comments, notes in the mail, texts, phone calls, etc. you gave/sent us after our precious loss last week. You really showed us what it means to "come alongside" those who are in the middle of walking a difficult journey. You inspired me to reach out more to people as their "difficult journeys" in life come along. It is just nice to have your struggle acknowledged, even if the "right" (which is such a relative term) words may not be there.  Your thoughtfulness truly touched Mitch and I. Although our hearts are still heavy and the road to healing still seems long ahead of us, we are certain that the Lord can make anything glorify Him. Anything. I hope that maybe there is some girl reading this blog who may have felt heartache similar to mine (a miscarriage or infertility, you name it...) who can feel reassured that God IS trustworthy and that He IS working good on your behalf. I have to keep trusting and I encourage you to trust too, no matter how hopeless the still, quiet moments in your soul may seem.

I have been recovering physically from my procedure last week. Just staying here on the range, doing our normal routine with a bit of modification. The vacuum didn't get run like I would like it to and we have sat on the couch quite a bit more than we usually do, but I have felt God's presence even more in our little house and that is all I hope for. Having now lost a baby both before and after carrying and giving birth to a healthy baby, I can honestly say the feeling of loss is identical. The despair and disappointment feels exactly the same. However, the fact that there is a sweet, very busy toddler running around at my feet 14 hours out of the day changes things a bit. I stay busy during the day and don't have time to sit and think about my sadness. That makes the quiet evenings after bedtime a little more difficult. And I often times look at Scarlett and think even more about what we lost... a baby that would have one day been 2 and wild and fun and sweet just like his/her big sister. I try not to let my mind go there. What I try to do is have a heightened sense of thankfulness for what I have been given. I emphasize the word try because let me just say I can throw one knock-out pity party for myself! (Please tell me I am not alone in this, sisters!) 


I am SO incredibly thankful for my sweet, sweet days that are filled with this precious girl.... 

 We have been spending lots of time soaking in the warm days on the porch swing, or "big wing" as she calls it. 

Her latest and greatest interest... Play-Doh. Oh, I knew these days would come! We have already made "garbage colored" play-doh many times... you know when you mix all of it together and come out with this puke colored play-doh? Yea, we've got it by the gallon. 

She was cracking me up because I asked her what animal she had and she put it right up to the camera lens... 

 Oh the  messy simple joys in life like play-doh. 

On a completely different note... here is what our indoor thermostat is reading at tonight. Our AC conveniently went out last night. SJ and I glistened an awful lot today... if you know what I mean. I called first thing this morning, but the company we use has a full schedule through the weekend. Yikes!  Oh well, there are much worse things in life. 

Goodness, this post is turning out to be rather long...  Just wanted to slip one more thing in. Mitch graduates THIS weekend! I am so proud of him. I am really looking forward to celebrating his BIG accomplishment. I cannot believe he will be Dr. Owen in a matter of days. He had to go stag to his class' Senior Banquet last Friday night... I thought he looked so handsome. 

And he even brought home some "hardware"... way to go babe.

Thanks again for all of your kind words, thoughts and prayers. Who knew the internet could make way for such sweet friendship? 

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  1. Erin your blog is so encouraging for others who have gone through this same thing and we are praying for you and Mitch as you will take time but our Father is the ultimate healer and He heals all wounds. Thinking and praying for you often!

  2. Thank you sweet, sweet Jessie. You are so right, He is the ultimate healer. I am praying for you and Aaron. You are such a darling couple and I know the Lord has amazing plans for you life.
    Just for old time sake... We know that Our Redeemer LIVES!!!! Right girl?? Hahaha!!!
    Love you!

  3. You just put the biggest smile on my face by saying that!! HAHA!! Hirsty would be so proud :)

  4. Oh believe me, you are definitely not alone in that. But I love your attitude and how you are trusting the Lord. It is so wonderful to see how you are growing in the Lord and leaning on Him during this time. One of these days it's going to be such a beautiful reunion in heaven!! I can only imagine!!
    And I just want to say a HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to Mitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Thank you Bethel... I mean, Birdie ;) I know you know exactly what I am feeling right now. And, I know you know that God is faithful. Thank you for pointing me to Him. xoxoxo

  5. Hey Erin - I was hoping I might see you at the LOL banquet at SOAcc yesterday so I could hug your neck but I'm sure this weekends festivities had you all mighty busy. I wanted to comment on your last posting but just having had the words and still don't honestly. I do want to let you know I've been praying for you and I've been where you are too and am now on the other side...we lost a baby between Kennedy and Avery and I was DEVASTATED. I know, just as you know that God has a plan and promises not to give us more than we can bear but oh how my heart ached during our loss as I know yours has as well. As soon as we see that positive our dreams begin...of our family, of our child having a sibling, of what we'll look like down the raod and on and on it goes. I am a planner so for me it wasn't just a grave loss of a little precious life to be it was something that wreaked havoc on my well laid out plan and I felt God teaching me during that time "remember...I am in control, not you".'s just hard and it hurts and I just want you to know I've been praying.

    1. Lindsy! You are so sweet. I would love to have come to the LOL dinner, but you are exactly right that our recent festivities have been keeping me busy. And, I would have probably balled my eyes out the whole time. AH! That's just where I am at right now. Everything you said about being a planner and dreaming about what our family would be like, etc, etc, etc. That is just exactly how I am and how I felt. I feel Him telling me the same thing -- that HE is in control. Maybe we could grab lunch or meet at the park to let our girls play or something sometime... I would love to talk to you more. Thanks for always leaving such sweet comments and for encouraging me ;)