Wednesday, July 18, 2012

our morning at the zoo and missing you...

Scarlett and I spent our morning at the Zoo with Lolli (Mitch's mom) and her kiddos. It was a hot one, that's for sure, but that did not keep all of these little, smiling faces from having a good time! Seated here on the rhino: Jack, Isabella, my SJ, and Kavin. 

We stopped for lunch under some trees for a little relief from the heat. Scarlett and Kavin were being silly together...
We had a nice morning, thanks Lolli and company :)  
Don't you know walking out in the heat for close to 3 hours always guarantees a nice afternoon nap for my girl. That was a blessing for me today because I have felt like my to-do list is out-of-control. I went to run some errands after nap time and thought Scarlett would want to stay with Nonni at the house for a little while, but she insisted on going with me. She has been extra "clingy" lately and I think it has to do with Daddy being away. But, I don't mind that at all.... I know it won't always be that way. Speaking of Daddy being away, in case you are getting a chance to read, Mitch, please know we are missing you BIG time!!

We have been taking a nightly walk to get SJ's wiggles out before bed. She loves it and Callie loves the attention. Scarlett is crazy for Callie. Here they are running up and down the driveway....

Although it seems like I am non-stop during the day, I feel like I have a lot of time at night to just think. Normally that time would be filled up with spending time with Mitch or at least talking with him while working around the house. It's different with him away. I usually spend part of my night tucked away in my room, thinking. Specifically I think a lot about our baby that we lost in April. I think about how different our move to South Carolina in a couple weeks might be if we were still expecting in November. We would be concerned with packing up all of our baby gear (baby swing, highchair, pac n' play...). We would be trying to move Scarlett into a twin bed to make a spot for baby in the crib. I don't want to be "negative Nancy." However, I do feel like it is healthy to be real with myself and others about the fact that I still think about what could have been. I found myself today at the Zoo noticing that other mommy's who had a toddler Scarlett's age were pushing double strollers or were carrying a baby while holding their toddlers hand. I know it is not a comparison game at all, I just noticed this and it made me sad for a little while.  I want Scarlett to have siblings. I want them to be close enough in age to play and relate to each other. Sometime I have to stop myself and remember -- I trust God and know He is always working for our good. It's just that my human, flesh wants to think about the way things would have been had that precious little baby's heart not stopped beating. I am praying that God will grow our family in His time and ask of Him that it might be very soon (upon Mitch's arrival back home, of course!). Until then, I will continue to cherish the precious miracle who is daily right before my very eyes -- my Scarlett Jean. Asking our generous Father for grace in my moments of wondering... 

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  1. I love your transparency in this post about your sweet baby you lost and so longed for. I am so sorry. I continue to think about you often and I will continue to pray the Lord's grace over you. It is so hard. Please know that you aren't alone as I look at two brothers together close in age and I lay in bed wondering what it would look like with two boys (even 17 months later.) Praying for you during this time of grief and transition.

    1. Your words are so sweet, Rachel. I know you know this kind of hurt in a way that I cannot even imagine. Thank you for lifting me up.

  2. Sweet Erin I am still continually praying for you and your heart...I pray that the Lord comforts you in those moments when you think of your precious little ones in heaven and remember God has them in the palm of His hands. You are such a great mommy and Scarlett will one day have siblings. I know how much you long for that and I pray that the Lord blesses you very soon with another little one that you can hold in your arms.

    1. Oh, Jessie. Thank you for reminding me where my sweet babies are at this very moment. And thank you for praying for me.